From a practical standpoint, you can’t assume your sexting buddy is at home alone, and you never know who might accidentally catch a glimpse of your exchange. The quickest way to figure out if someone wants to see a picture of your genitals, however, is direct communication. This has to do with, among other factors, the different cultural meanings attached to different kinds of bodies (including the commodification of thin, white, cisgender women’s bodies), prevailing stereotypes that say that straight men constantly want sex, and also the empirical fact that a huge chunk of women have received unwanted dick pics and many experience this as a form of harrassment. It’s always best to obtain affirmative, enthusiastic assurance that the person you’re talking to wants to see you naked, but the reality is that it’s more socially acceptable for women to send unsolicited nudes than it is for men. This is tricky, because someone who receives a nude (whether or not they solicited it) is never obligated to reciprocate, although it might feel that way. Sometimes, a solicitation is a direct request, and sometimes the expectation of reciprocation is implied when someone shares a photo of their own. Part of this gray area is the question of what it means to “solicit” a nude.
“I felt, like, obligated to reciprocate.” But, at the same time, after sending his first dick pic, Nick tossed and turned wondering if sending his nude in response was inappropriate. Nick told me he never would have thought to ask for or send nudes if the woman he was talking to hadn’t initiated the behavior. Being fat is seen as the antithesis of sexy so seeing other fat women embrace themselves has given me confidence more than anything.” “It’s not so much sharing of the nudes but participating in a culture that finds bodies like mine beautiful and interesting. “I hid under hoodies and sweatpants in 90 degree weather.” DJ said she regularly exchanges nudes with a “mostly platonic” group of friends, many of whom she met via online dating or social media sites, who appreciate and affirm each others’ bodies. “For years when I showered I didn’t look at myself because I hated what I saw,” DJ recalled. Taking and sharing nude photos, even with people you haven’t met or perhaps don’t ever plan to meet in person, can also be an act of profound healing, self-love, and self-discovery.
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